We’re the Heroes

Following the debacle in Le Crotoy, we made our way rapidly across the channel to Britain. Along our way, we sighted a pod of sea cats, which we proceeded to hunt for sport. We slaughtered the lot of them and, upon arriving at port in Britain, were received with much celebration for saving the town from the sea cat menace. 1

There is little to be said of our time in Britain, which was primarily marked by frustration at the refusal of the corrupt Roman officials to accept my bribes. Dear reader, I must express my frustration that any official would be so cold hearted as to accept bribes from one party, but not from another. Towards the end of our time in Britain, we were forced to break into the offices of the local governor in order to steal the Romans’ watermarked paper and official seal. The covert operation was carried out without a hitch 2 , allowing us to leave the island of Britain as heroes of the town.

There is little else to say of our time in Britain, except that we rescued a small child 3 from a terrible fire 4 which burned down most of the hovels 5 in the eastward end of the town. 6

Altogether, Britain was a very boring place and I intend to never return, unless it is to conquer those barren, dull lands for the glory of Denmark.

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  1. Technically speaking, the party stumbled on the sea cats thanks to some terrible rolls on my part. We barely managed to drive them off and limped into port, the ship taking on water faster than we could bail it.
  2. True, if you count nearly burning down the warehouse and having to flee town in the dark as “without a hitch”.
  3. Technically true.
  4. That we started while trying to steal a set of forged travel documents from some local criminals.
  5. And we might have left several more to die in the house that we accidentally burned down… not to mention how many people died in the fire.
  6. And there was also an incident in which Biard 🐈 attempted to sacrifice half the party and multiple townspeople to an evil nature spirit in exchange for power, but our own incompetence accidentally prevented his plan from working.